Prior Proper Planning...Yeah Right

Many guys all want to have that special evening that just makes your special someone go Wow!  I was planning on doing that for my wife's birthday a couple of years ago.

I had gone through looking for a nice locations close to Downtown where we could get out and enjoy our fine city.  I researched hotels and restaurants there in the area.  I had already narrowed down the restaurants to a few, so it pretty quickly turned into a restaurant and then finding the accommodations near by that would be a good finish.  My wife tends to like a mix of historic and also activities, so I settled on a nice relatively classic hotel that had been there for a while.  I checked the reviews and their website and everything looked like it would be a good evening.  Check in first, then go to dinner, and then later come back and have some drinks and then some room service.  Perfect.

The day of the event came and started out well.  We got there, checked in and was able to go enjoy the dinner.  The restaurant held up to it's reputation, and after enjoying that dinner, we came back, stopped by the bar for some drinks.  Then we decided to head up and checked about the room service. 

Hmm, I didn't think to check on this.  I just took it for granted that a hotel of this type would have room service, like it said on it's website.  When I called and found out that because their kitchen/restaurant was being remodeled that they were short staffed and didn't have room service, or the additional storage for the items that would be delivered.  After talking to the lobby I found the best choice was to go for a walk to a local grocery store and buy what I wanted there.

Now starts the walk of shame.  My wife being the kind wife that she is came along, and instead of us enjoying the evening with some wine delivered by room service, we were now walking a couple of blocks to a local grocery store to buy said wine so that we could take it back to enjoy it in our room.  Instead of waiting 10 - 15 minutes, we were now walking and shopping for almost an hour to get our wine.

Needless to say, when we got back the mood has soured a little and the wine wasn't as enjoyable as the wine we would have gotten from room service.  All this because I didn't think to check with a phone call to the hotel about a simple thing like room service.

If Only I had a Little More Money

By far the most viscous thing we have created in society is Money.  People work hard for it and others cheat and steal for it.  Once you have it everyone wants your money.

Growing up one of the things my father instilled in me is to take care of the family.  This involved getting a job and making enough to take care of my wife, and any kids we may have.  Then I married and moved into one of the more expensive areas.  Of course this only got worse as life's challenges came along such as home ownership, and high pressure salesmen.

My wife and I are fortunate that we are able to talk about money and we both are on the same page when it comes to money.  When we got married we decided that we would have a joint account and then either use credit cards or set up a small account on the side for the personal expenses like buying each other gifts.  We have gone through tight financial times and lucrative financial times.  Right now we are in a tighter time because of quality of life decisions we have made, but we'll get through it.

Often I hear some other couples talking about how when they get married there is no way they are going to combine the accounts.  This may sound like a good idea but it will only work so long as both are working and able to cover their part of the expenses.  I have also heard of couples that one member will set aside a little in a separate account based on the past history of the other.  Again, preparing to go their separate ways if the relationship doesn't work.  Sometimes the small account turns into a rainy day fund and may cover the tougher times, sometimes it really is an escape plan.

Remember that no matter how much you make, you'll figure out how to spend it and most likely be looking forward to getting more.  Budget and plan is the best way to make it last.  So if times throw tough financial situations, don't just give up, work through it together and you'll be stronger together. 

Found a good offer.

We found this offer and put together a small collection of articles that we thought were useful.

Feel free to download it and check out the offer.

The offer is very good for those who are in a rough time in their marriage.  Highlighting that communication is often misinterpreted to be the problem.

When we saw this offer we thought of our co-worker who just went through a divorce.  So many times he would express his feelings and thoughts very well, but his wife at the time refused to listen.  Even with the marriage counseling the result was the expected and they are no longer together.

Again feel free to download the report and check out the offer, and share with anyone you may know that can use the help.

Gotta love Overtime

After the military I got hired by a very good company.  While I greatly appreciate the opportunities and rewards it has given, I have come to appreciate overtime in moderation.

The department I was hired into was not a large profit department and because of that we are a very lean department, and we have been working to get more headcount in line with our workload ever since I got hired.  This is nice when I want some extra money because I could usually work the overtime to get it.  While getting paid for overtime is nice, there is still the problem that I have to work the overtime.

Also there came the eventuality of deadlines.  These more than anything else started to drive the overtime regardless of my energy or desire to do overtime.  Eventually leading to the problem that my wife was married more to our residence instead of to me.

When the overtime was moderate, and only happened a little bit during the year, we were good with that.  Eventually it expanded to where about a quarter of the year we were eating out close to my work so that I could have dinner with my wife.  Since I have been more practical with it, working to limit it to only a couple weekends, and a couple extra hours a day, but this is only as long as I can keep up with the deadlines and occasionally still requires the much longer days.

I bring this topic up because I know of two people at my work who have admitted that the overtime was a contributing factor to their marriage falling apart.  If your relationship is strong then your relationship will endure the longer hours, but the final question is how long.

Marriage and the Military

My wife and I met while I was on active duty in the Military in Japan.  This was probably one of the best things to happen for me.

While we were there the command actually required pre-marriage counseling that was held on the base.  It was one weekend of seminars and talked about many of the problems that are experienced by young married couples.  During the course there was a questionnaire that was given to us and our homework was to ask each other those questions.  These questions ranged from everything from money to children.  The reason for this is because in the military especially there are many people who marry and think that their life is going to be one way only to find it goes a different way.  From unexpected moves to extended time away from each other.  All these questions were designed to get the couple to face the reality that will be and how to incorporate that into the vision that they have.  I'm still looking for it so that I can share it if possible.

During that time, I was on watch all the time, so except for the days off, or when my watch schedule lined up with my wife's work schedule I didn't really get to see her that much.  Also she was still working and since we had no kids, we didn't really have any problems, just the inevitable one of what happens when my tour is over.  The time came and we decided that it was time to get out of active military service.  My new wife came over to be with me a couple of months after I returned to the US.  Of course one of the first questions she had was are you my husband because I put on the characteristic post military weight (25 lbs) and beard.

A couple of years later when I was out of the military we had a similar sit down and talk.  This time it was about reserve duty and how it fits into our marriage.  When I married, the first commitment I decided to have was to my wife, and we continue with that commitment to this day.  That discussion is what led me to resign from reserve duty and now work completely in the private sector.

Introduction

Nice to meet you.

Todays society provides more and more life choices than many years ago.  This is also true for relationships.  Many are looking for someone, choosing to just live with them, and others choose to marry that someone.

Many people will find that after time their relationship is rocky, or too hard and will choose the easy road to divorce or going separate ways.  Later opting to remarry or move in with another person.

We set up this blog to help those who are in those tough situation with their marriage or relationship and may be looking for some advice. 

We have been married for a little more than 13 years now and during that time we have seen many of our friends go through their marriage all the way to divorce.  Some have remarried, but many have opted to just live with their new partner.

Along the way we will be sharing some stories and also articles and products that we find that may be of use. 

We look forward to your comments and feedback and in the future plan to take some time to answer your questions.